Getting Over The Hurdles For Your Guests List - A Guide For Same-Sex Couples

So first you had to "come out of the closet."  Then you had to figure out "who liked you out of the closet and who didn't."  You know, the family, friends, drama, acceptance thing.  And for some of you, you may still be facing those issues.

Now with same sex-couples beginning to have the rights of gay marriage in some states (MA, CA, CT, VT, IA, NH), civil unions and domestic partnerships in others, and of course a commitment ceremony in any state of your choosing, how do you decide who to invite to your celebration?  We're going to try to help with Ultimate Gay Wedding question - Who Gets On The Guest List!

1. Invite who you want and who you know loves the two of you!
   
   
2. If your immediate family is not supportive of you as a gay or lesbian, or the fact that you want to "tie the knot," invite them but in a gentle way.  A personal note indicating, "I would really like you to celebrate another milestone in my life.  I know we don't agree, agree to disagree, or (whatever you want to put here), but it would mean a great deal to me to be surrounded by my family during this special occasion."  By approaching it this way, you just might be surprised at the response.  A personal note, then follow it up with the formal invitation...that way they know your serious about their attendance.
   
   
3. If you have a supportive family you can divide the guest list 3 ways, your friends and family list, your sweeties friends and family list, and then your parents friends and family list.  Or if you want, just divide it into two - your list and your sweeties list.  Then have your respective families provide you with names and addresses that they would like invited.  Either approach keeps everyone in the "happy, happy, joy, joy" state...until you have to cut the list down (see number 4).
   
   
4. Now you've got way to many people on the list and you've got to cut it.  The best way to avoid this is to make your budget the priority and then work the guest list to fit your budget from the beginning...not vice-versa.  But if you still have to cut, here's some tips:
   
   • No children invited. But if you are going to not invite children, then stick to the rule so that no one gets their feelings hurt.
   • Eliminate the "and guest" option off when inviting your single friends.  This may seem cruel because many people don't want to go to a wedding "stag."  But if you've got to cut, cut.  After all, your celebration could be the perfect venue for matchmaking for all your single friends!
   • Leave off co-workers unless they are co-workers that are regular friends that you hang out with.  If the only time you interact is at work, then save yourself the time and budget, and let them off the hook of feeling obligated to attend.
5. Don't invite the extended, extended family that you haven't talked to in years.  Does your third cousin Joey even really remember you?  Let alone does he know your a lesbian?  GASP!
   
   
6. Don't invite old friends that you haven't talked to in years.  Even though you would really like to see them, a good rule of thumb is, if you haven't talked to them or corresponded with them in over a year, take them off the list.  Besides, do you really want to be walking down memory lane at your wedding or commitment ceremony while trying to keep your wits about you with everything else that is going on.
   
   
7. Finally, if you think their going to be trouble...don't invite them.  Doesn't matter if they are family that your still not sure which side of the rainbow acceptance they sit on, a friend who has promised you they won't get drunk and make a fool out of themselves, or your ex from three relationships back who is now happily hitched.  If you think someone has the potential of ruining your day, then don't invite them.  However, be prepared to be honest with them when they come calling and asking, "Why wasn't I invited?"  Be honest, but gentle!